Thought: The best laid plans can always be waylaid by mac and cheese

Weight:  276.2 +1.6

I feel:  a little more determined

An old friend of mine once said that dragging himself out of depression and a filthy house took "a lot of getting really pissed off at yourself". I spent some time today talking about this idea. Nobody is going to come and save me. I am not majickally going to get a personal trainer. I have to do this and I am a lazy girl alot of the time...and it infuriates me. I am sure this is going to begin to come out in my posts at some point.

Outside my window...

dark and damp. It rained all day.

I am thinking...

so many things...do I go back to school? Should I go back to the classroom? How do we get our own business moving? Why am I so lazy? Why did I get the macaroni and cheese...why didn't I say green beans instead? money money money....

I am thankful …

for my samurai, my friends, my mother and father, my home and my work...my education, my skills and my cooking ability. I am thankful that I haven't had a heart attack.

From the workout rooms...

I have not exercised today. And...we went to eat dinner at Luby's...but I got the grilled chicken breast instead of the fried fish! However, samurai and I are switching off computers in a minute and I am going to work out.

...and I worked out...haha! Netflix is awesome and I did part of a salsa dance workout that kicked my ass until I turned it off. Then I turned on a 15 minute dance workout that kept moving you through 3 speed intervals. It was a challenge but I did it!! woohoo! And I'm sweaty! I moved the bed over to the wall to give myself room. I feel good because I flaked and babied out this morning and yesterday I just plain flaked. Onward...

From the kitchen...

issues today with following my menu: I woke up really early, before 5, and pissed around. Went back to bed at 6 am and snoozed til 7...so...i didn't pack my salad and cottage cheese with fruit like I was supposed to because I was running so late.

Excuses...instead I took a leftover grilled chicken breast from Monday's BBQ, left over zucchini salad, 2 zucchini fritters and some tzatziki sauce.

dinner was supposed to be a chopped steak, carrot, cucumber and parsley salad, a small serving of white rice with a yogurt and grape dessert...instead we ate at Luby's. I did well with the chicken and broccoli...but I got mac and cheese.

It's the temptation and it is too new and I am too weak.

Brush myself off and re-plan for tomorrow! Onward!

Tomorrow's menu includes:

• coffee, 1 egg, 1 slice whole wheat toast, 1 banana for breakfast. 
• Salad for lunch, with cottage cheese and canned tropical fruit, no juice, 1 can coke 
• Dinner will be chopped steak with baked garlicky potato wedges and a small salad, with iced tea

I am wearing...

bra panties and flip-flops...hey I was sweating after working out!!

I am creating...

new habits right now...toward an upgraded version of myself...nothing artistic and that needs to change soon. I have a lot of work and education related creative thoughts that I need to act on. Samurai and I decided that we are going to take time every evening to do one household thing like cleaning something or putting something away, and to do one creative thing as well. Small steps to living a fuller life and keeping a neater house.

I am going...

a little FB crazy at work. I need to refocus and get on target with the things I have going on professionally. My job is so not hard and I need to quit procrastinating and just do steady work in the mornings so I can coast later...

I am reading...

girls with slingshots

a lot about PhD programs

diet tips, recipes, inspirational weight loss stories...lap band websites.

I am hoping...

that I have the balls to finally do this for myself because I want to live better and feel better and get off damn high blood pressure medication and can prove to myself that I can work hard thru the rough patches and that I will not give up on this.

I am hearing...

All 80s on iTunes

Around the house...

Samurai is in the bedroom playing video games and I can hear it slightly...the kitchen is still messy from the bbq monday and I have not cleaned. The bedroom needs a serious straightening up...there are clothes everywhere. We have cobwebs.

A picture I am sharing:

Thought: If I really want to do this, then I really have to work.

Weight: 274.6

I Feel: unsettled

...ain't that the truth. This is going to be hard and I am just so bad with hard. But the truth is...and I only admit this to myself in my darkest secrets...I never follow thru on anything. So many things running thru my mind upon writing that. Truth hurts...so what am I going to do about it? I have to be a grown up and tackle this, right? Be smart about it and work my way through it.

All the research I have read says you have to journal and keep a food diary. You have to track yourself and create goals. I know all about this stuff, but I never do it. I have been teaching it for years; counselor heal thyself.  Quit your bitching and start a revolution.

So here we go.

I am keeping a detailed hand written journal where I am tracking the date, my thought, my weight and how I feel. I am also using the journal to plan my weekly menus, and track my food intake and exercise. Some of this information I will be sharing here. In an effort to get the ball moving, I worked on my vision, mission and goals today as well as planning the menu for the week...but I did not exercise. I also ate a lot. Holidays and weekends are my challenges. But I digress...here is a basic breakdown of my goal setting process. I sat and gave myself time to think about each of these and let words and images come to me. Once I had a good idea in my mind, I began to write.

Vision is your Long range goal; a far away destination that you are working and moving toward.

Mission is the path you are taking to get there.

Goals are the steps you are taking along the way.

To share some of my brainstorming with you:

Vision: Strong, financially independent, fit, healthy, active woman, partner, mother, friend, who works hard and plays harder teaching at a university and selling our art, crafts and designs.

Mission: Take an active role in my life by exercising and challenging my body, fueling it with healthy, home cooked food, watching my spending and saving and planning activities with my friends and loved ones.

Goals: 1. Lose 20 lbs by 10-23-10.

            2. Make it thru 6 weeks of Jillian's 30 Day Shred

            3. Plan menus by week and cook nearly  everything that goes in my mouth.

            4. Pay bills on time. Save all cash in majick money jar. Move any money left at the end of month to savings account.

In order for goals to be reachable, they need to meet a few criteria. They need to be SMARTER.

S     Simple, specific and significant

M    Measurable, motivational and manageable

A     Attainable, appropriate, achievable

R     Relevant, Realistic, Results-focused
T     Time-bound, Trackable, Tangible
E     Evaluate, Ethical, Engaging
R     Reward, Reassess, Revisit

I looked over my goals, and I think I have done a pretty good job of creating some reachable, tangible and measurable goals. I am being specific and intentional in what I want to do. If I am going to change my way of living, my motivation and my habits, I will need to be very intentional in all that I do.


I went on to outline my short term goal, my timeline, and a basic plan of action.
Short term goal: lose 20 lbs by 10-23-10
Time: 6 weeks-42 days
Basic Plan:

• modified 3-day diet on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday for 6 weeks.
• 30 Day Shred/walk/elliptical-daily
• breakfast everyday
• salad/light lunch daily
• cook all dinners

To tie it all together, I asked myself: How does this help my long term goals, mission and vision?
Dedicating myself to this 6 week goal will start me on the path toward regular daily activity and a craving for exercise. Planning my menus will help me be organized in my kitchen and shopping-buying only what we need. Healthy eating is a necessity now and only I can control what goes into my mouth to fuel my body. I have to do this to be in control of my health and my body...of my life; to be a mother and to live a strong, long life. To die a good death.


There...it is out on the interwebs now, homepickles, so add accountability to that list...
Wish me luck!