Thought: Back in the saddle again: I don't think I like the Saddle...

9-16-10
Weight: 269.2

I feel: Challenged and Smiley
9-17-10
Weight: 268.6
I feel: pleased!
9-20-10
Weight: 273.2
I feel: bloated, not surprised, deflated but still strong

9-22-10
Weight: 268.8

I feel: Good!

9-23-10
Weight: 268.8

I feel: Good!

10-4-10

265.8

I feel:  tired

10-11-10

Weight: 274.3

I feel: bloated...11 lbs? seriously?

but I like saddlebags even less!!

so let's talk about what went wrong here...

9-23 was a Thursday and probably the last day I worked out...before I changed the name, this blog was entitled 'hoorah for the weekend warrior: hoowie for the weekend weakling' because I was frustrated with how hard it is to get my ass moving for ANYTHING much less working out on the weekend! But now it has become more than that. I am just struggling with my motivation PERIOD! As you can see, I have had this entry going for quite some time now. In the last couple of weeks I have been drained at work. I was still trying to work out every day and sticking to it, but after the work out and making dinner, I had no energy to blog. I would literally sit in front of the computer too tired to type...(of course I didn't have any problem sitting in front of the computer playing cafe world...LOL) "takes alot of getting really pissed off at yourself..."

On 9-29 I left on a work trip to Anaheim CA with 8 students and my boss. The trip was awesome and once again reaffirmed and terrified me in my thoughts on starting a PhD program. I did not work out at all while there. I ate well, as the conference provided 3 squares a day...no snacking really...and alot of water and tea. That is why my weight was still down when I got back on the 3rd and weighed in on the 4th. I was really happy that day.

So...how did I manage to gain 11 lbs in one week? I can blame this on a few things:

• I haven't gotten back into working out since I got back.
• I have been drinking alot of soda.
• I have been eating like a pig.
• I got really bad allergies last week and had to take a prednisone steriod pack to get my allergies under control. I don't know but I think it made me eat even more. It was like I was ravenous all the time!
• I am out of my high blood pressure medication, 3 days now, so I am retaining water.

I haven't been keeping my food diary at all either. Overall I am totally sucking at this weightloss thing right now. But you know what? I am the only one that can fix it. I am the only one that can get back up from this stumble. I am the only one that can decide to turn on the workout videos when I get home tonight. I am the only one that can control how much I eat, what I eat, and how often. And the more and the more that I do it, the easier it will be the next time I stumble.

Thanks for listening.

Thought: Again with the damn best laid plans...

Weight: 272.1 -4.1

I feel: confuzzled

Wednesday Sept. 8, 2010-just realized I never posted this...duh!!
How do you lose 4 pounds in one day?
high blood pressure medication + diuretic = pee all day

So I know it's all water fluctuations but I am still stoked because I am that much closer to getting back under 270.  I didn't mention this before, but although I committed myself to my goal on Labor Day, I have been working on this effort since early August. It took 3 weeks of mediocre effort to convice me I was going to have to attack this in the way all the experts say will work, the way I KNOW this will work, and the way I totally didn't want to do this because it takes EFFORT and I am lazy. :)
ugh with the honesty, even...
but this is how we grow.
So, 4 weeks ago, I started walking every morning for a week and started a Workout Wednesday with my best friend at her house. I took a salad for lunch every day and was trying to be more mindful of what I ate. Then the weekend hit, I didn't walk...I didn't go grocery shopping so we ate out...blah blah and so the excuses begin for why I laxed, haven't walked, missed Workout Wednesdays. Excuses is what I call it...but in reality, it is just easier to say...eh fuck it.
However, the small amount that I did complete got me down to 267 for 3 consecutive days. That was significant to me.
Honestly, just getting that 7 to change to a 6 and stay that way for awhile is going to feel so good. I am angry at myself for letting my weight get this out of control. I rationalized for years that I looked basically the same and I was just fluctuating the same 10 pounds over and over. But those 10 pounds brought me from 240 in 2002 all the way to 272.1 in 2010. My base weight is getting higher and higher.
I exercised 2 days...but today I didn't...there are no excuses. However, I did sit with the samurai and work out our finances for the month. We mapped out all of our expenses and where we bled money this month. we also discovered that if we did this money thing with some thought and planning instead of being all check card trigger happy, we do have the potential to save money to do the upgrades on the house etc.   So small moves to making financial gains.
onward.